Transforming Grief Blog

Expressing Grief Increases Vitality

Once a week my partner Mark and I meet for a “heart talk”. This is an opportunity for us to discuss vulnerable issues that may have come up for us during the week related to our relationship, usually the types of things that we would prefer to sweep under the carpet. Last week, Mark checked in with me about my work.

I had had surgery ten weeks prior to have fibroids removed from my uterus and had allowed my business to drop. Six weeks after my surgery, my business picked back up, but I hadn’t done anything differently to market myself and I still had room for new clients.

“Where are you at with your intentions for growing your business?” Mark asked.

“But my business is growing!” I responded defensively. “I’m worried if I market my business too much right now, I will become overwhelmed.”

Over a year ago, I had been diagnosed with the Epstein Barr virus which frequently expresses itself when I am run down. That morning I woke up with the usual symptoms – fatigue, a headache, body aches and sore throat. I had seen back-to-back clients the day before and I was completely exhausted. I didn’t […]

Angel on the Other Side

Saying Goodbye to Bucky –  Part Two
(Scroll down to previous post for Part One)

I thought I would feel relieved after putting Bucky to sleep, but I felt awful. Had he still wanted to live? Did we let him go too soon? Why did this happen this way? I hadn’t been ready to let him go. Perhaps if we had waited, I would have been more prepared. I regretted making such a quick decision.

For several mornings, I woke up sick to my stomach. Bucky wasn’t asleep on my meditation chair, but tufts of his fur and fragments of litter were still there. His food dishes and litter box were sitting out. I felt a huge void in our home and couldn’t believe he was actually gone. It was like experiencing a nightmare from which I couldn’t awaken.

I was astonished by how deep the pain was. How could such a small being make such a huge impact on my heart? I missed Bucky terribly…being able to hold and cuddle him, pet and kiss him, baby and nurture him. I was his protector and mommy. He was my companion and comfort, and offered me an outlet for my affection. He needed me […]