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Healing Grief

Grief and LossLiving FullyPersonal growthSpiritual AwakeningTransformation

Coming Alive After Loss

After eating breakfast at the Aquarius restaurant at the Dream Inn, which overlooks the ocean, boardwalk and Wharf in Santa Cruz, my boyfriend Mark and I decided to stroll on the Wharf where “Woodies on the Wharf” was taking place, a car convention featuring more than 200 stylish, pre-1952 “wood-bodied” cars, known as “Woodies”. Walking hand-in-hand we admired these classic cars which have been restored by their caring passionate owners. Each car was unique with varying colors, designs, interior upholsteries and decorative ornaments. A few had the doll "Woody" from the movie Toy Story sitting on the dash or the hood of the car. Some had surf boards on roof racks. The varnished wood was gorgeous and the paint jobs exquisite.  The cars appeared shiny, polished impeccably. I wanted to rub my hands all over them to feel their smoothness on my skin. I barely touched them, though, so as…
Karen
June 30, 2015
Grief and LossLiving FullyPersonal growthTransformation

The Other Side of Grief: Awakening New Possibilities for Living

A lot has happened in my life since my last post, including the dissolution of my 18-year marriage, letting go of my home and most of my possessions, and moving eight times (I am still not settled). The grieving process of “emptying out” as my therapist called it was intense and at times unbearable. Sometimes it felt like the pain would never end. The article below, The Other Side of Grief, offers a brief glimpse into my process and some of the tools that helped me to transform my life. Star-shaped diamonds dance on the surface of the ocean, creating a path of light across the azure waves in front of me to the brilliant warm sun. On either side of the path white spray shoots up from the blow holes of Humpback whales. Sitting atop the cliffs at Eselan, in Big Sur, my eyes scan the ocean in anticipation…
Karen
February 1, 2015
AcceptanceGrief and LossLiving FullyTransformation

Reflections on Grief and Joy

A three-quarter moon glowed pinkish-peach from the rising sun’s reflection on its shadowy surface, as it made its decent towards the horizon. Alone, I stood on the beach taking in the luminescent beauty of the moon, and the glimmering platinum ocean. The early morning light created a symphony of colors as the blue from the sky peaked through the fog, creating a metallic bluish-silver color. The sand was smooth without foot prints, except for the occasional spiky claw print of a seagull. Bundled up with a scarf, hat and jacket on, I walked slowly from one length of the beach to the other, about half a mile, stopping occasionally to take in the quickly changing scenery and watching as the waves gently rolled and crashed. Their sound soothed my broken heart. It had been eight months since I had separated from John, after being married for 17-years. Despite the separation…
Karen
April 18, 2014
Grief and LossTransformation

Dragonfly Magic: A Gift in the Grieving Process

A large metallic blue-green dragonfly buzzed back and forth again and again. I followed it with my eyes, like watching a tennis match. It was unusual, so I took it as a good sign. Everything was going to be okay. It had been a beautiful Sunday in mid-August and I was sitting in the faded green Adirondack chair in our backyard, in Santa Cruz, CA my head tilted back, soaking up the sun. Relieved to relax for a few minutes, I took several deep breaths. Rennie, my ailing Shepard-mix dog, lay panting heavily next to me. I had helped her outside to go to the bathroom. I stroked the soft fur on her back gently as my fingers glided over her protruding spine. I was attuned to her every breath and movement. Earlier that morning, John had said to me, “It’s time.” We had asked for a sign, something to…
Karen
October 30, 2013
Grief and LossSpiritual AwakeningTransformation

Loss: Fertile Ground for Transformation and Awakening

Two days after New Years, I had an appointment with my massage therapist, Gypsy. Walking into his studio was like emerging into a safe cozy cocoon; candles were lit, the lights were turned down, and there was a warm glow emanating from the gas fireplace. In this quiet space, I began to relax. “What are we working on today?” Gypsy asked. “My heart…it needs healing,” I responded. On New Years day, I had found myself feeling depressed. Usually this holiday is my favorite, because I love celebrating my accomplishments from the previous year, and I look forward to all of the possibilities for the upcoming year. But instead, I felt sad and angry. I had invested a lot of time, energy and money into growing my business, and here I was, in the same financial place with my income, but now also further in debt. Weighing even more heavily on…
Karen
January 31, 2013
Grief and LossTransformation

Rainbow Moon – Hope in the Storm

It had rained all day and two more storms were expected. That evening we got a reprieve as the clouds parted and the full moon lit up the night sky. From our house, just blocks from the beach, we could hear the waves crash and the fog horn blare. They sounded like a train engine roaring. Excited to see the huge breakers, John and I walked arm in arm to the beach, while sharing about our days. The sand was unrecognizable. Half of it had disappeared under water. The waves rolled in fast, one stacked on top of the other four at a time. The remaining sand was re-shaped into different patterns. Where the beach once sloped gently towards the water, there were now large two foot drop offs. White froth from the tips of the waves skimmed over the sand like desert tumble weeds. Tangled bunches of salty smelling…
Karen
December 10, 2012
AcceptanceGrief and LossTransformation

Angel on the Other Side

Saying Goodbye to Bucky -  Part Two (Scroll down to previous post for Part One) I thought I would feel relieved after putting Bucky to sleep, but I felt awful. Had he still wanted to live? Did we let him go too soon? Why did this happen this way? I hadn’t been ready to let him go. Perhaps if we had waited, I would have been more prepared. I regretted making such a quick decision. For several mornings, I woke up sick to my stomach. Bucky wasn’t asleep on my meditation chair, but tufts of his fur and fragments of litter were still there. His food dishes and litter box were sitting out. I felt a huge void in our home and couldn’t believe he was actually gone. It was like experiencing a nightmare from which I couldn’t awaken. I was astonished by how deep the pain was. How could…
Karen
November 12, 2012
AcceptanceGrief and Loss

Saying Goodbye to Bucky – Part I

Waking out of a deep sleep, I heard my husband, John, shout, “Karen, you need to get up and see this. Bucky can’t walk.” It can’t be that bad, I’ll just roll over and sleep a little more. “Get up,” he said. “You have to see this.” Grudgingly, I got out of bed and saw that our cat, Bucky kept falling over as he tried to drink from his water bowl. Bucky was 20 years old. Since I never had children, he was my “baby,” sweet, gentle, timid and affectionate. I loved to cuddle with him and pet his soft gray and white fur. As the runt of his litter, Bucky had outlived his brother, Spanky, and his next feline companion, Kitty. He was the least adventurous of them all, although, having moved ten times in his long life, he experienced plenty of adventure. Blind and arthritic, Bucky had recently…
Karen
October 24, 2012
Grief and Loss

7 Healthy Ways to Cope With the Loss of a Loved One

There’s truly nothing worse than experiencing the loss of a loved one. Nothing can prepare you for the immense sadness and pain of saying goodbye to a friend, family, co-worker, or neighbor, but there are ways to help you come to terms with your loss in a healthy, positive manner. If you or someone you know is experiencing bereavement, take a look at these seven healthy ways to cope with the loss of a loved one. (This is a guest post provided by Jena Ellis at LifeInsuranceQuotes.org) Click here to read more...
Karen
September 27, 2012
Grief and LossLiving FullyTransformation

Quantum Leap Healing through Community

Are you someone who has experienced loss? Do you find yourself grieving alone or suppressing your feelings altogether? If so, you may be afraid of burdening friends and family with your grief. Or, perhaps you feel like no one understands what you are going through, so you hide your deepest thoughts and feelings of loss. Nearly two years ago, I found myself feeling stuck, depressed and very alone in my grief related to not being able to have a baby. I had been through an eight-year cycle of hope, despair and loss during which most of my grieving I did alone. Finally, I joined a pregnancy loss support group with five other women, which catapulted my grieving process in three short months to an entirely new level. Not only did I feel witnessed, supported and acknowledged for my loss, but I got in touch with and expressed some deep anger…
Karen
September 22, 2012
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Karen Mehringer, MA, MFT - Grief support, counseling and life coaching in Santa Cruz area.