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Emotional Surrender: Opening to Greater Possibilties, Part II

By July 10, 2008August 13th, 2016No Comments

By Karen Mehringer


What does it mean to surrender? It means to be completely present, open, ready and available for the creative life force to flow through us in any moment. When in this state, our actions are guided by love (spirit) instead of fear (ego) and we are able to experience greater freedom, joy and peace. The following are some of the tools I have used in the process of surrendering and awakening to my heart’s truest desires.

Shift Your Perspective – When we are too attached to an outcome, we fear not having enough or not getting our needs met. In order to surrender, we need to shift our thinking from that of lack to that of abundance. For example, instead of thinking, “My life is incomplete if I can’t have a baby,” practice thinking, “If it’s not meant for me to have a baby, then God/Creator must have some really amazing plans for my life!”

Use Affirmations – If you find your thoughts continually going towards the negative, then practice using affirmations. One of the most healing affirmations is that of self love and acceptance. “I love and accept myself exactly as I am!” Other examples include, “I accept what is;” “All is in divine and perfect order;” “I trust God/Life/Universe to bring me my highest good in every moment.” (For more on this subject, I highly recommend Louis Hay’s DVD, “You Can Heal Your Life”.)

Visualize Possibilities – Envision all of the possibilities for your life. While getting a massage a few months back, my therapist asked me to envision having my own baby…”You are at the hospital and the baby is being delivered, how do you feel? Now, you are home with your husband and it’s a week later; a year later; five years later. Surprisingly, I had difficulty feeling excited about this outcome. When she asked me to do the same, but with an adopted baby, I felt joyful and excited. This simple exercise assisted me to let go of my attachment to having my own baby and opened my mind to the possibility of adopting one.

Express Your Self – Continually acknowledge and express your feelings, such as anger and grief, but don’t dwell on them. Some tools include journaling daily, participating in therapy, joining a support group, and talking to a trusted friend. Further, engaging in creative channels allows our painful feelings to be transformed into greater meaning and expression in the world. Like writing this article!

Meditate – Ask your soul what it really, really wants and then sit quietly and listen. Deep down inside, I believe we all simply desire to experience love and to be at peace. As you still your thoughts, practice focusing your awareness on peace and notice how you feel. Bring this experience and awareness into your daily life and activities.

Take Inspired Action – From a place of stillness and inner peace, we can then take inspired action. During the process of surrendering my attachment to having a baby, I was guided to get help from a fertility clinic. After one round of taking fertility drugs, I experienced so many physical problems and side affects, I decided not to pursue this course any further. This was an extremely helpful step in the letting go process.

Participate in a Ritual/Ceremony – Create sacred space by lighting a candle or burning incense. Write down that which you wish to release i.e. your attachment to a relationship, to having a baby, etc. Then throw the paper in a fire while setting your intentions to be free. One of the rituals I did was to throw away all of the fertility clinic information and left over drugs and needles. I felt completely empowered and much freer to move forward with my life after this ritual!

Create an Altar/Devotional Space – This is a place where you can meditate and align with who you really are as a magnificent spiritual being. I created an altar in what was once the “baby room” as part of a ceremony to assist with transforming my grief and empowering me to move forward. I put up pictures of myself as a baby, family members who have died, and people in my life who love and support me. Sacred objects and candles adorn my altar. The room is now my “sanctuary” and a place of worship, love and joy instead of emptiness and grief.

As you continue to surrender and let go, you will experience deeper and deeper levels of peace. Like peeling open an onion, each peel is an attachment surrendered, a painful experience transformed. At the core of the onion is your brilliant, radiant, ever present and eternal soul…the place where infinite love, peace and joy reside.


“Joy is what you are…you are what you always wanted.” – Byron Katie, A Thousand Names For Joy

“The Kingdom of Heaven is within. Once you have learned how to enter your inner kingdom, you have a special retreat within that is always available to you.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer, Inner Peace Cards


“Joy does not come from what you do, it flows into what you do and thus into this world from deep within you.” – Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

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Karen Mehringer, MA, MFT - Grief support, counseling and life coaching in Santa Cruz area.