The Courage to Let Go

“Enough is enough. It’s time to let go,” my body told to me.

A month earlier, I had woken up with the flu. I was nauseous, tired, and had a fever. I was also in the midst of yet another early miscarriage with terrible cramps. Trying to have a baby was taking a huge toll on me. It was becoming clear to me I needed to stop.

I had held onto hope for so long. Even though I was getting older and my window of fertility was closing, I had a dream several years ago that I would have a baby when I was forty-five. On both my mom’s side and my father’s side of the family, there were women who had babies well into their forties. Also, I frequently felt the baby’s spiritual presence with me, and assumed that it would come into life form and be a part of our family. It’s what my heart wanted.

Now at the age of forty-six, the thought of surrendering my dream scared me. What would happen if I stopped trying? I would surely never have a baby. Will I regret not trying harder? Who would take care of me in my aging years […]

By |April 15th, 2013|Acceptance, Grief and Loss, Transformation|

Read More

Loss: Fertile Ground for Transformation and Awakening

Two days after New Years, I had an appointment with my massage therapist, Gypsy. Walking into his studio was like emerging into a safe cozy cocoon; candles were lit, the lights were turned down, and there was a warm glow emanating from the gas fireplace. In this quiet space, I began to relax.

“What are we working on today?” Gypsy asked.

“My heart…it needs healing,” I responded.

On New Years day, I had found myself feeling depressed. Usually this holiday is my favorite, because I love celebrating my accomplishments from the previous year, and I look forward to all of the possibilities for the upcoming year. But instead, I felt sad and angry. I had invested a lot of time, energy and money into growing my business, and here I was, in the same financial place with my income, but now also further in debt. Weighing even more heavily on my heart was my recent experience of what appeared to be yet another early miscarriage. I had had all of the usual symptoms of pregnancy for two weeks such as nausea, headaches, extreme hunger and fatigue, but they were more intensified than normal. I had allowed myself to get excited. This must […]

By |January 31st, 2013|Grief and Loss, Spiritual Awakening, Transformation|

Read More

Creative Expression – My New Year’s Theme

Every year on New Year’s, John and I have a tradition of sitting down to review our personal and professional accomplishments from the previous year, and set our intentions for the year to come. We include our financial goals, as well as, our ideas for exploring Santa Cruz and having fun. I love this process and the opportunity to start anew. Typically, New Year’s is my favorite holiday.

This year was different. I woke up yesterday feeling tired and depressed. When we sat down to review our accomplishments, I had difficulty remembering what I did “right”. Instead, all I could think about was the financial mess I had created by investing in my business and going into debt. How was I going to pay rent? Buy groceries? I felt angry with myself for not meeting my goals and intentions from the previous year around growing my business. After all, I had attended seven business training conferences and now had all of the tools. But, nothing had changed. I was in the same place as I was last year…stuck and frustrated.

Instead of creating specific or lofty intentions like having my next book published by the end of the year. (This was […]

By |January 2nd, 2013|Living Fully, Personal growth, Uncategorized|

Read More

Rainbow Moon – Hope in the Storm

It had rained all day and two more storms were expected. That evening we got a reprieve as the clouds parted and the full moon lit up the night sky. From our house, just blocks from the beach, we could hear the waves crash and the fog horn blare. They sounded like a train engine roaring. Excited to see the huge breakers, John and I walked arm in arm to the beach, while sharing about our days.

The sand was unrecognizable. Half of it had disappeared under water. The waves rolled in fast, one stacked on top of the other four at a time. The remaining sand was re-shaped into different patterns. Where the beach once sloped gently towards the water, there were now large two foot drop offs. White froth from the tips of the waves skimmed over the sand like desert tumble weeds. Tangled bunches of salty smelling seaweed strewn among rocks, drift wood, broken clam and mussel shells, skeletons of dead sand crabs, and lifeless seabirds. I watched each step carefully as I walked through this obstacle course. Despite the wind the air was unusually balmy for this time of year. I was comfortable in just jeans […]

By |December 10th, 2012|Grief and Loss, Transformation|

Read More

Angel on the Other Side

Saying Goodbye to Bucky –  Part Two
(Scroll down to previous post for Part One)

I thought I would feel relieved after putting Bucky to sleep, but I felt awful. Had he still wanted to live? Did we let him go too soon? Why did this happen this way? I hadn’t been ready to let him go. Perhaps if we had waited, I would have been more prepared. I regretted making such a quick decision.

For several mornings, I woke up sick to my stomach. Bucky wasn’t asleep on my meditation chair, but tufts of his fur and fragments of litter were still there. His food dishes and litter box were sitting out. I felt a huge void in our home and couldn’t believe he was actually gone. It was like experiencing a nightmare from which I couldn’t awaken.

I was astonished by how deep the pain was. How could such a small being make such a huge impact on my heart? I missed Bucky terribly…being able to hold and cuddle him, pet and kiss him, baby and nurture him. I was his protector and mommy. He was my companion and comfort, and offered me an outlet for my affection. He needed me […]

By |November 12th, 2012|Acceptance, Grief and Loss, Transformation|

Read More

Saying Goodbye to Bucky – Part I

Waking out of a deep sleep, I heard my husband, John, shout, “Karen, you need to get up and see this. Bucky can’t walk.”

It can’t be that bad, I’ll just roll over and sleep a little more.

“Get up,” he said. “You have to see this.”

Grudgingly, I got out of bed and saw that our cat, Bucky kept falling over as he tried to drink from his water bowl.

Bucky was 20 years old. Since I never had children, he was my “baby,” sweet, gentle, timid and affectionate. I loved to cuddle with him and pet his soft gray and white fur. As the runt of his litter, Bucky had outlived his brother, Spanky, and his next feline companion, Kitty. He was the least adventurous of them all, although, having moved ten times in his long life, he experienced plenty of adventure.

Blind and arthritic, Bucky had recently become incontinent and developed a terrible smell that bathing didn’t help. Was his time near? He didn’t appear to be suffering. I hadn’t even considered putting him to sleep. He kept my lap warm while I wrote in the morning, slept in my meditation chair next to me as I worked during the […]

By |October 24th, 2012|Acceptance, Grief and Loss|

Read More

7 Healthy Ways to Cope With the Loss of a Loved One

There’s truly nothing worse than experiencing the loss of a loved one. Nothing can prepare you for the immense sadness and pain of saying goodbye to a friend, family, co-worker, or neighbor, but there are ways to help you come to terms with your loss in a healthy, positive manner. If you or someone you know is experiencing bereavement, take a look at these seven healthy ways to cope with the loss of a loved one.

(This is a guest post provided by Jena Ellis at LifeInsuranceQuotes.org)

Click here to read more…

By |September 27th, 2012|Grief and Loss|

Read More

Quantum Leap Healing through Community

Are you someone who has experienced loss? Do you find yourself grieving alone or suppressing your feelings altogether? If so, you may be afraid of burdening friends and family with your grief. Or, perhaps you feel like no one understands what you are going through, so you hide your deepest thoughts and feelings of loss.

Nearly two years ago, I found myself feeling stuck, depressed and very alone in my grief related to not being able to have a baby. I had been through an eight-year cycle of hope, despair and loss during which most of my grieving I did alone. Finally, I joined a pregnancy loss support group with five other women, which catapulted my grieving process in three short months to an entirely new level.

Not only did I feel witnessed, supported and acknowledged for my loss, but I got in touch with and expressed some deep anger I didn’t even realize was there. The group acted as a safe container for me to explore all of my feelings. During the final session, a member shared with me, “You look lighter.” The burden of my grief had been lifted and I felt more joy.

Today, I have more vitality […]

By |September 22nd, 2012|Grief and Loss, Living Fully, Transformation|

Read More

How to Help When Your Spouse Loses a Parent

The death of a parent is one of the hardest losses in life, and most of us will experience this pain during our lifetimes. When it’s a spouse who has to cope with the grief of losing one of the most important people in his or her life, it can be hard to know how to help. Though the grieving process may last months or even years, these tips will help you comfort your spouse and bring the two of you closer together.

This is a guest post offered by Hannah Peterson from LifeInsurance. org. To read the entire article, please click here!

By |September 7th, 2012|Grief and Loss|

Read More

Embrace Grief as an Ally

There are many prophecies about this year, 2012, as it relates to the end of the Mayan calendar. Some believe this is a time of great spiritual awakening and the expansion of human consciousness. Others believe we are coming to the end of the world. My experience so far is that of intensity. All that has gone unresolved in my life has surfaced to be healed and transformed during these past six months. In the process, I have opened more fully to embody more of my light. More of me has awakened to the truth of who I am as an infinite spiritual being of love and light.

During this time of intensity, many feel an urgency to find and live their purpose. They want to feel that their losses have meaning. Some are choosing to transition and leave the planet. My 97-year-old Grammie died two weeks ago. I just learned of another friend’s death yesterday.

Death and destruction are crucial for the birth and renewal cycle, for deep and lasting transformation to happen. Therefore, it is imperative that we embrace the grieving process as our ally, as a path to greater awakening.

If you have experienced loss and feel stuck in […]

By |August 14th, 2012|Grief and Loss, Spiritual Awakening, Transformation|

Read More